The (Incomplete) Secret of Crispy Pata

"Honey, when are they gonna send me home ?" ---- Steely Dan

My sister will probably kill me for this but I will tell you a family secret.

You are probably wondering how the darn commercial restos can make Crispy Pata crisp. While you can only manage to waste your time in boiling it to a near pulp and then deep frying it without much success in making its heavenly skin crisp.

Well then, I will tell you the secret to making it crisp ("crispy" is not a word, its a Filipino invention because we cannot pronounced crisp pata in sucession without sounding like we have a lisp) .

This will only be a partial tip because I do not want to share the whole recipe. You are correct in boiling the crispy pata for a very very long time until its meat is almost seperated from the bone. That part of your method is correct. However do not overdo that because if you do that, it will be very hard to handle the pata and it will eventually join the broth and instead of Crispy Pata you will end up with Pata Soup which to me is inedible. Try to take a sip of pata broth, your veins will be full of sebo and you'll probably have a heart attack right there. Besides, its malansa and we throw that infernal broth in the sink. No self-respecting Filipino no matter how impoverished should be forced to taste that. It belongs in the sink.

Where was I ?

Oh yes. How to make the pata, Crispy Pata. Pay attention now, this is quite technical.

Place the boiled pata in a Pyrex, a big one. Like I said this is an incomplete tip. Of course you season it, with what I will not tell even if you stick a submachine gun in my ear. Use your imagination for the seasoning.

Well then, place them in a Pyrex and then Freeze them ! For 24 hours, freeze the darn thing and then deep fry it the next day. And for heaven's sake do not deftrost it. Thats the secret of making it crisp by deep frying it frozen. Freeze and Fry Frozen !

Got it ? Now if you will excuse me, I gotta make the sauce. Tip: put some water in there with the soy sauce, vinegar, onions, garlic and get this: a little, just a hint of sugar. Voila ! You have Crispy Pata sauce.

But then you ask: how can you make it so darn tasty ? Oh well, I can tell you that but then that will cost you $3,000. Sorry.